Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Break up or Break down??!!

Divorce pathi there was a discussion in one of the chat shows. Why the current decade has become the decade of Divorce..
Due to decadent beliefs which are unable to sustain the onslaught of querying minds? Lesser and lesser number of people who are willing to adapt to newer environment? Rise of the Amazons - ithana naala silent sufferersa iruntha ponnugaloda parents suddenly find voice and arent willing to bow back?
Or a more scarier picture..a willing society which accepts divorce??!!!

More than any other point the last one, i feel, is the most impacting reason. Ippo mattum en divorce jaasthiya iruku? ithana varushama ilaama? oru vela IT industry vanthu ellarum aairakanakkula salary vangarathala financial independence reasona irukumo apdinu neria per put forth their thoughts. Financiala independenta irukara families ipo neria irunthalum ithuku munnavum irunthanga. Still they managed to conduct a married life..balancing hiccoughs and misunderstandings and providing a stable family life to their kids. Avangalukum problems irunthirukum aana they still managed to hang on. Is that grit..that mental strength missing from today's generation?

Divorce used to be a taboo subject till sometime back. Divorced ponno..paiyano..were seen like outcasts. Outcast maybe a harder word. But they were looked down by people. Divorcee nalay..problematic case. Just like AIDS patients..wrong blood transfusionala vanthiruntha koooda..how many think like that. Ipo irukara life style may be more stressful..ipo irukara lifestyle is way too fast for people to stand or sit to reflect on their thoughts and actions...ipdilaam solrathu i somehow couldnt agree. We are all bonded to society..being integral part of it and all the norms which are applied by a society are what governs people..irrespective of whichever era you are in. Ipo irukara society is more open minded and liberal and that is something which no one can deny. Intha societyla..even divorcees find respect. Antha bayam poidichi..that if u break a relation..you wouldnt be treated like a leper and you can still survivengara hope is there. More than that..single mothers..dads.. are finding it easier to manage both their lives and their kids in present society. The current society gives more respect to individuals as much as couples. Apdi oru acceptance irukarapo people are more willing to give up rather than hold things together swallowing down their pride and ego. The current crop dont have the mental stress of fear of acceptance by the society which their parents might have endured. Antha sense of freedomay has spelled doom to the instituation of marriage onu thonuthu.

Freedom iruntha misuse panikaratha..how can such a positive change in society be blamed for this apdinu neenga kekalam. 100% agree..no doubt that this is a positive change which would prove a boon for many a destitute victims of divorce. Aana its coming without a caveat that it can be misused. "Aaiyiram poiyya solli oru kalyanam pannanum" apdingarathulam i am not sure how valid it would be in present day world. Need of the hour is to respect the individuality and personal space of spouses. The concept of sacrifice is something seen as a defeat. Entha oru relationshiplayum..even be it friendship for that matter..survives solely on give and take. Putting yourself on other person's shoe is something i feel will definitely help in soothing the ruffled feathers.

There are lot of positives in today's society - be it shedding false inhibitions or women empowerment..equal opportunity employers - more than anything respect for individuals. Ivlo nalla vishayam nadanthiruku nadanthindu iruku iniyum neria nalla changes varum. Our country is famous for its joint family system..athu naasama poidichi ipo. Family values and strong marital relationships where a plus. Athuvum engayachum nasinji poidumonu bayama iruku. Who knows..soon we might be talking in detail about Live-in relationships which are threatening to wipe the concept of marriages off. Nalla yosinga makkalay..


zeno said...

ippa than ponnu pakka arambichirikuratha sonnanga adhukulla divorce pathi thinking a ;) :P

Priya said...

I think the "fear" of society has gone and people want to live the way they like. They don't give a damn attitude what your 4 walls, neighbors and friends say. It's more like freedom without good thoughts.

More than ego, its small differences and family complaints where the daughter and MIL/SIL never gets along even tho' they have to live with it. Most of the time, MIL always like to compare their daughters with DIL which can annoy anybody.

Money has become a big issue as ppl' are making more these days in few sectors. When that independence of money comes in, more of self power get in too. Husband vs wife salary issues if he gets lower income so on.

Living in is more of just sharing everything than commitment. So where comes the responsibility right? He or she doesn't have an agreement that they have to be together forever.

R-ambam said...


RS said...

In my humble opinion, I only think, in most cases, simple things get complicated over words, leading to break downs..

Our earlier generation did not have the communication devices we have, so they were a patient lot. Oru prachanai/vishayam irundha, porumaiya neram paarthu pesinaanga. Now with mobiles and emails, immediate-a porumi thallidraanga. In all that fury, fuming/harsh words definitely come up. Kadaseela, enna original problemnu maranthirukum, pesina words thaan will keep hurting each other......Aprom poison tree thaan!

Economic independence ellam oru reason-a irukualaam baas, aana yosichi paartha mundhina generationleyum thaana working women irundhaanga? Appo irundha financial situationku avanga salary kandipa sufficient thaan.

RamMmm said...

Ennachchu gils? Serious post, but something to ponder!

As Americans say, "I want my own space around me". Now Indians want it too. :( There is good and bad in it. Aana namma kannukku nerayya theriyaradhu the bad aspects thaan.

Swaram said...

I second RS :P
In olden times, atleast the wives used to think too much abt hw their parents hd given so much and hw cn they go bk again and be a burden etc.. etc... all that they get to hear and see. Now, ppl express openly ... thatz the only difference I see.
Else, marriage remains what it hs always been .. Love n understanding :D

chennaigirl said...

I repeat zeno's comment. :P

RamMmm said...

@zeno, @chennaigirl-gils is trying 'varumun kaapom' policy.

avaru romba naala ponnungala paakaraar. G3ya kaelunga. Avunga kadha kadhayaa solluvaanga. illaya gils? :-)

ambulisamma said...

I agree with RS.
But these days no one has patience,either male or female.
Also you cant control women as it was earlier,they know what they want,they just cant live like slaves.

me 2036 said...

I have to say marriage is tough, try dealing with drama from the world and trying to keep you morals stright with your partner. I'm trying to get back on the same level but it seems like i find myself on my own. I just don't know why men become deciteful, do they just don't care.

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Vidya said...

It is liberating that people think that they are free to file for a divorce and are not tied to a marriage that neither of them are suited for! This does not mean that I advocate divorce! I just think that the society is opening up to the possibility of second marriages! Any relationship is about give and take! I cannot and frankly will not accept irreconcilable differences, which is a big reason given for divorce! In my mind, if one is committed to the happiness of the other, then there is no way there can be a difference like this. Communication opens up, misunderstandings are sorted out!

But at the same time, if it is only one person doing this, isn't it a drain on the other? Isn't life too delicious to tolerate this nonsense?

These are my two cents. I don't want my comments to be longer than the post! So I stop right now!