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Twice within a span of 24 hours I was made to eat my own thoughts..words rather. I was so strongly rooted on my opinion that everything around was going crazy and the universe has suddenly raised a vendetta flag against me when there was not even a blip on the horizon. All of a sudden for the past few weeks, things were moving fast from bad to worse, atleast that's how I felt. I lost 60,000 rupees, a major career break through and there were tonnes of other minor pin pricks as well. It was as if everywhere I turned, things were ganging up against me and I couldn't quite figure out the reason. It was all getting repressed inside and I was badly in need of a vent. If I talk to someone about my issues, I feel like I almost have a solution for it!! The more I talk about it, trying to explain the problem to a third person, the more I get to understand it myself and more often than not, it works out for me and this time was no exception. I went to my previous manager, who is a well wisher and a good friend and spoke to him. What started as a 5 mins conversation, went on for 90 minutes. In the end, whatever questions I went to him with, none of them had a solution. Nothing was solved. But, he made me realise, there was nothing to solve either. I was shocked and surprised to realise that, many things that he said were actually true and made sense too. I had been so blinded by my frustrations and rage that, even issues that had been present previously, which never used to bother me, became big time obsessions. I stoked up the vigilante in me and went around with a torch to burn all those issues, fully knowing that even Don Quixote had a better chance against the windmills, compared to my situation. As I spoke, I realised that, though there is no justification for those issues and the inaction of those who are responsible for those, all the while my mind had been occupied with so much work that I never really paid any heed to these burning issues. Now that I've time to spare and as they say bad things cluster, everything looks bad and spoilt. Though I don't subscribe some of his opinions, it made me realise one important thing about myself. A very basic lesson, which I always tend to miss. If I wear a black film on my eye and look at the world, its bound to look dark. And I also realised, I am not cut out for politics :) To me being ambitious, always meant ,to be what you are capable of and not go after something just because I like it and others are there in the race for it. I've been a meritocrat all my life and god willing would love to remain so. And surprisingly, as the mind became clearer, all of a sudden things appear to fall back in place. Though the pin pricks remain, I can now realise, what I need to address and what I can ignore, like the general majority. Now that the darkness seems to've vanished, its time to enjoy the sunshine :)


Asha said…
//If I wear a black film on my eye and look at the world, its bound to look dark. And I also realised, I am not cut out for politics :) //

Most of us pay a fee to learn the hard lessons of life. You have learnt this by losing 60k and a career break.

You have lost something to gain something. I know it is easier to say and write like this but that is how we gain experience.

I always believe everything happens for a good reason.(nadappadu nanmaikkay)

Cheer from now on. You have to look good for the occasion:)

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