The year began with lot of uncertainties. Being not a big fan of wholesome changes, i was nervous to say the least and had lot of doubts. While the conscious me always looks for ways to settle and sleep, the mischievous unconscious one, has its own ways to look out for trouble. Its the one that never allows me to settle down and is always in contradiction with myself.
Ides of March, marched in and moved me from one side of the earth to other. Nine months have lulled by and I am still not sure if i really wanted this one. I keep arguing with myself on the reason why i am here. After coming here, i had tonnes of time to reflect on myself. The setup here was a lot different from the places i had been to. The major change being, there were very few single people around and majority were family crowd. Took a while to adjust to that at first, for i had never been in such an environment before with so many "grown-up"s. I felt the same when i visited NJ to my friends house.
The other major major change that i embraced was cooking. I had promised myself that, unless the push comes to shove, i will never enter any kitchen voluntarily. I had spent 7 years away from home, within India, without cooking for a day. But this place, within the 3rd month of my stay, made me buckle. But i am kind of happy that, i overcame that mental block. The way i cook reminds me more of a chemistry lab, minus the burret and pipette, and chemistry being the least of my favorite subjects, needless to say about my cooking. And i've been brought up by an amazingly good cooks, right from my mom and sis to some of my roomies and my spoiled brat of taste buds were treated to the best of cuisine. But, surprisingly, i find my cooking eatable :)) That i guess would be my major major accomplishment for not just this year, but in a long long while :)
Visiting NYC was another major event i cherished. It was a dream come true. After having seen all those places in zillions of pics with various other people in, it was a happy moment to see myself in picture at those very places i dreamt of being. An interesting addition to this would the driving license. Just like how i ended up here, it was unplanned and something i ended up with just out of peer pressure rather than interest. I had my first brush up with road accident too. I always had this weird feeling of being left out, whenever my friends used to narrate tales like this . I always wished i had something to tell for myself too. But never imagined how dreadful it was to be in such situations until it hit me. And visiting Disney world was something i never ever thought possible in this lifetime!! That one was a HUGE tick mark on the bucket list. Planning a series of posts on the trip :) possibly next year.
There were lot of minor "accomplishments" too like the gun range, water bike rides, waterfall bath, trekking (mountains and forests make me feel at ease..wish i can stay there for some more time) and the numerous drama series that i saw (latest addi(c)tion -That 70's show, the reason i started watching it actually requires a post of its own..so beware :D), getting driver licence, watching presi election LIVE ..well, they might sound childish and simple to be bracketed as something major :) but..i guess these kutti kutti aasais and things is what totals to being gils :) One more kutti milestone - 150000 hits n counting for this blog :))) vithi valiyathu :))
As i look back at the year went by, it was a reminder of how my life has shaped over the past decades. A life without any control or interest. A life without an iota of any responsibility. A life that was never driven towards any aim, but more of a lucky drift, which caught the right draft of wind at the right time. A life spoilt for change with a lifetime of spoilt chances. A life, that which would've been much better lived and cherished by anyone else but me!! Feels like i have always wasted one opportunity after other, going after the proverbial bird in the bush forgetting the dozens on hand. What i see as an unwanted, undesired chance for doing things that i dont like, others envy and crave for it. But i still end up doing the same crap over and over again, without ever wanting to forever in wait, wondering for a chance to do what i like. I am yet to find my passion that really moves me and i wonder if i will be really up to it when i actually realise it.
I might sound overtly critical, but on a honest to self note, this is what i feel. The strange part is, i dont find anyone who is not much different from what i've mentioned above, around me. May be some of their choices were their own. But majority of the crowd move from one thing to another not one purpose, but merely adjusting to the flow. They 'look' happy and contented with their life, being busy in their own world. Maybe when i find something to occupy myself super busy round the clock, i may not have time to ponder over these things!!! Atleast for once i wish, i know what i want and get it too. The contradicting inner self reminds of an Oscar wilde quote - There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it :))
Soooooooo.......here is how it goes. I continue to live my merry making life, deviating at the least possible resistance. Considering that i've 3 decades of practice in it, i dont see much change happening in the coming year too :) Oru mystery story post pannanumnu romba naala planning..the gist is based on an semma impressive episode from the detective story MONK. Adutha varushamaachum hope it sees the light of the day from drafts :D
Latest bulbu for 2012. Went shopping with roomie and my eyes landed on a mini binocular set :)) i am crazy about skywatching and stargazing. Telescopes are way too costly and are out of the league. So atleast binocularaachum vaangalamay nu decide panni went back to the display case and !!! the piece was missing. My friend also wanted one and at the booking counter we requested the billing lady to check for any available pieces. After a long delibration her assistant came up with one piece. We pestered for another piece as it was amazing. That guy seemed to search the entire store and came up with another saying that was the only other piece available. We were literally beaming with joy and pride of our new priced posession. That lady, while billing, asked, "let me guess...is this gift for your nephews?"
ok makkalay...i guess this is it for this year...unless vera ethachum mokka podra topic maatinaalaye ozhia...its me signing off for 2012. Catch you in 2013 :) Happy new year Friends. Wishing you all joy and prosperity and peace above all.
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