The Great gamblers

Algorithm of an arranged marriage:

1) Check the foto if like it goto step 2
2) Check the horoscope if it matches goto step 3
3) Visit the gals/guys house for free snack session and have an officially sponsored violation of privacy with the sort of questions that would've made you beet red in anger had the situation been anything otherwise.
4) If step 3 finishes satisfactorily..get the 2 bakras married!!!

There are many people around who dont believe in placing bets or who consider gambling as an evil. But still they have no qualms in going in for an arranged marriage. It still beats me..how can one judge a person with just a few minute talk and above all get CONVINCED that he/she is going to be his life partner??!!! Even to select a team mate we have 4 rounds of interview!!!

Before you guys jump on me..let me hide behind the disclaimer. I've absolutely no issues with this concept which has worked well for my parents..their parents..relatives...and majority of people i knew and i am more than happy to have this off my plate rather than taking this into my hands!! Think unless one takes the plunge cant tell whether he can swim or drown ;) Still from the shore it looks so weird and scary and at times.. nothing more than a gamble. The other option of a person selecting their own partner themselves (aka love marriages) doesn't sound so fool proof either. The only difference between the two being, you got someone else to blame in case of former and only yourself in latter!!

What do you guys think? wud like to hear it from the (married) horse's mouth :)

Comments

savitha said…
Gils, since you had to bring up gambling: After all, life is itself a game of gambles, isn't it?? We never anticipate all that happens to us, the chances of one getting this, getting that etc ---howevermuch we argue our lives are in our hands, don't you think we are playing probability in everything we see and do in life? Right from the moment of conception, WE ARE PLAYING PROBABILITY!!

Probability theory says, as the number of trial tends to infinity, there is a sure chance of the gambler to lose. I relate all our failures to this :P
chennai girl said…
Even with love marriage you cannot be sure with the person. In a interview you check out what the person is actually capable of and what knowledge he possess really. You mean to say we can interview the person and select the life partner. Means , wat question would u ask - enna experience, can u cook, can u earn nicely, will u support me if need arises , ist?
Love or arranged one should go with instinct. Rest is in our hands to make it successful .
Ofcourse, other external things too are important.
http://oreponnu.blogspot.com/2009/11/how-does-love-happen.html
@savi- well said well said..
@gils- its just a gamble and as with all things in life, u win some u loose some..
gils said…
@ajcl:
pudiyunga puliodaraiyai :)

@athivaasi:

//After all, life is itself a game of gambles, isn't it??//

saabaash..sariaana kostin :D :D heheee anjer teriaalana naanga ipdi solli mazhupiduvomla ;)
gils said…
//After all, life is itself a game of gambles, isn't it??//

oru pechuku ithuku anjer oknu vachikuvom.....the result of how many of such gambles live with u for life??!! pricking whether u did the right thing? for this reason only i call this the "greatest" gamble of ones life.
gils said…
//Probability theory says, as the number of trial tends to infinity, there is a sure chance of the gambler to lose. I relate all our failures to this //

ahahah :) antha coin toss panra example vachu solreengala..gamblers ruin? ;)) too much maths i say..aprum anu en blog pakamay vara matanga
gils said…
@chngal:

first matter..unga post padichen..taaapu :) aana aathukararuku neenga boom boom maadu analogy uhum....nambara mathiri ila :D :D
gils said…
//You mean to say we can interview the person and select the life partner. //

naan ethuvumay solala saaami...just trying to get ideas frm folks who underwent all this..so tht enaku use aagumayngara oru pothunalathula thaan :D
gils said…
//Love or arranged one should go with instinct. Rest is in our hands to make it successful .//

apo say yes to gamblingareenga :)
gils said…
//its just a gamble and as with all things in life, u win some u loose some..//

LOL :D is this something were one can afford a loss?? konjam kushtamilayo?
savitha said…
//.the result of how many of such gambles live with u for life??!!//

The result of ALL the gambles come along in life, EVERY LIFE is a classic example, Gils!!

1. Did you choose the traits you wanted from your mother, or father?? It was the 'on' and 'off' of certain genes, which was in nobody's hands.

The way we look, the race we belong to, our interest of tastes, our interests of life, our talents,ppl we meet in life are all pure probability is what I think. We name the anonymous who decides all this as God, who plays a very significant role in all our lives!! :)
gils said…
//Did you choose the traits you wanted from your mother, or father?? It was the 'on' and 'off' of certain genes, which was in nobody's hands.
//

yes..but u "get to choose" the one whom u "have to" love here right..atha thaan gamblenu solren..rest of them.yeah..the job wer u join...the friends u make..the career u choose..elaamay gamble thaan.aana impact kammi..not everlasting and evergrowing like this one :)
gils said…
another thing..i believe everyone wud be having these questions..and just because i've posted them i dont think..me a specimen :D just wanted to stir up some juicy topic :)
RamMmm said…
Label chummannu pôttrukké thavira, the topic is not chumma.

>> But still they have no qualms in going in for an arranged marriage.
>> It still beats me..how can one judge a person with just a few minute
>> talk and above all get CONVINCED that he/she is going to be his
>> life partner??

In an arranged marriage, the odds are usually stacked to be against failure. Why are there a group of folks on either side when the first interaction happens? Informal background check. :-) (these days, the formal ones can be done as well) Maybe, to make sure the odds are less towards incompatibility later. The girl's side carries more risk as our family system is still not fully nuclear.

Ungala yaaru few minutes pesa sonnaanga? Talk for hours. :-) Even then, how many folks really share truths. :-( Or for that matter, even in matters of love, only your best foot is forward. :-(

>> Still from the shore it looks so weird and scary and at times..
>> nothing more than a gamble.

If you think it is a gamble, it is a gamble. If you don't, then that thinking is a gamble. :-)

You are on the right road towards matrimony as you are asking the right questions. :-)

Savitha's P theory can be flipped to the other side as well. If the gambler was winning repeatedly, then as the number of tries goes to infinity, he has more chances to lose. If the die was not skewed earlier, then the chances are equal still.
gils said…
//Maybe, to make sure the odds are less towards incompatibility later.//

intha angle konjam puducha keethay :)but if u r out to impress someone wud anyone be realllllly truthful?? interviewku porapoavay evlo poi sola vendiruku...
gils said…
//Savitha's P theory can be flipped to the other side as well. If the gambler was winning repeatedly, then as the number of tries goes to infinity, he has more chances to lose. If the die was not skewed earlier, then the chances are equal still.//

epdi paathalum gambler..ruin thaanga..there is a concept in tht which also talks abt bad things clustering... :)
RamMmm said…
Money, ego and unshared / unfulfilled expectations crumble most failed marriages.

Go by gut-feel. They are right almost every time. If you (and your family) think you like the girl (and her family), move forward and ask what they feel about you (and your family). Nothing works better than understanding families.
RamMmm said…
It is not just a gamble for you, it is for others as well (esp. the girl) The gamble analogy is more between you (and spouse) against problems and issues that come later.
gils said…
//It is not just a gamble for you, it is for others as well (//

kandipaa..i am more worried abt them rather :D :D
RamMmm said…
gils, romba thaan kusumbu ungalukku. inimé ponnu paakkarathukku munnaadiyé (or in your profile (adhaan horoscope), after the address, add a line for URL), this is my blognnu, unga URLai kudunga. ungalukku special treatment kedaikkum :-) :-)
gils said…
// (or in your profile (adhaan horoscope), after the address, add a line for URL), this is my blognnu, unga URLai kudunga. ungalukku special treatment kedaikkum :-) :-)//

LOL :D nalla idea..it wud be like cigarrette pack with statuatory warning :D they cant blame me later :D
Pallavi said…
Step 1: don't tell your daughter that you are groom hunting for her thru those matrimonial supplements.. Geez.. what has the world come to!

Step 2: Pick the guy, talk to his parents and the girl still has no clue

Step 3: They finally break the news- we have found a 'suitable match' for you

Step 4: If you discuss thats argument and no respect for elders.. but...

Step 5: do as told becoz the option of 'discussion' is closed and emotional blackmail is full on

Step 6: the guy is not in India so exchange mails

Step 7: the chap is ready to say yes without meeting you

Step 8: scare him of the possible consequences and throw a tantrum
Step 9: He says NO and the chapter is closed.. thank god!

Step 10: Tell your parents I told you this will not work out...make a sad face like this :( and smile heart in heart.. get bk to work and live happily till next!

It is not about arranged or love marriage but the right way of going about things...Even in love marriage someone introduces you to the person and from there things move and in arranged its your family who does the needful.. But that pushiness pushes me away from it and run in the other direction.. Only if parents didn't get so nervous about the singledom!!!
gils said…
@pallavi:

WOWWWWWW :D :D i wrote an algorithm..u developed a language :D :D exp talks huh :D
Pallavi said…
@ gils; yeah experience speaks...;) just stopped myself from expanding on it :)

Parents, uncles, aunts, that distant grand family.. everyone eyes on who is the next single in family in line...phew!
gils said…
// just stopped myself from expanding on it :)//

wat was the end result.. :)
gils said…
n wat happnd to ur blog?? y is not working
Pallavi said…
The folks never give up my dear... Just change their stance. From arranged marriage to love marriage they are okay with it. All guy friends are suddenly a prospect.. So keep everyone at bay, don’t talk at home about the next friend who got married ;)

The point is that they want to see you married at any cost… and my grand mother at 90 tells me I have heard that these days you find guys on computers (read matrimonial sites)! :)

The blog’s working fine.. posted a new post

Taxfreethoughts.wordpress.com
gils said…
//and my grand mother at 90 tells me I have heard that these days you find guys on computers (read matrimonial sites)! :)//

LOL :D :D techno granma :D mine is also interested in net :) she recommends sites at times for my mom to register :D :D
Pallavi said…
@ Gils, arrey mine can't read/ write for tht matter. but wants to sit with me on the comp to screen the guys... It is the most hilarious thing to se her getting all excited to check out the 'dudes':)

PS: I totally disapprove of the matrimonial site/supplement concept... I am on sale, come check me out! duh..:)
gils said…
//totally disapprove of the matrimonial site/supplement concept... I am on sale, come check me out! duh/

LOL :D :D waatan interesting perspective :D :D
R-ambam said…
One life and every one has a story of their own with the only hope that everything happens for a reason :)
six years of the roller coaster , m still clueless. Initially , everything around seemed like a blessing and later seemed to prove otherwise and now we are sure it will not be the same always but as long as u care for each other , there is love.

Finding a match is generally the last piece of the puzzle in case of arranged marriages. and so this algorithm goes well perfectly most of the time.

unfortunately ,Love marriages are not the same anymore like it used to be. People are influenced by meaner things these days.. People in love for more than 5 years break up for trivial reasons.If they are married and fall for such a trap , Parents and friends help them recover.

Moral : The "getting to know each other" thing doesnot happen until the sashti of the husband :D In other words , only when you love a person , you want to know them better.

so "All the best " .share ur story :)
Now a days, I see more of self-arranged marriage. Look at the girl, then think if she will be okay to be your wife, then go after her. It is not the real "love" where you start loving someone for no reason. I feel arranged marriage is better than that.
gils said…
//The "getting to know each other" thing doesnot happen until the sashti of the husband :D In other words , only when you love a person , you want to know them better. //

ramabam madam..etho novel padicha epect kammaings no reading ur kament :D
gils said…
// It is not the real "love" where you start loving someone for no reason. I feel arranged marriage is better than that.//

oh spoken like a true hermione ;)
so what do u think is real love :D
Swaram said…
LOL @ ur label Gils ;)
Story after is anyways same :P
gils said…
@kattabommi :)

hws ur trip goin on :)
Vidya said…
Marriage, as you rightly put it, is a gamble, be it arranged or "love"! Unless you live with a person 24/7, it is very hard to figure out whether or not you will be able to manage with the other person!

I wish we are more comfortable with bachelorhood instead of looking at it as plague! Once we are comfortable at that point, the parents will not push their children into an arrangement that will be hell for both of them!
gils said…
yo viddie :D spoken like a true pastor :D :D
Annam said…
ethuku ippo intha aaraychi ........chummavey iruka mudiyathula vetaikara paya ...cha chettaikara paya:)
gils said…
oi...setta setta settaa aaarambamaaidicha :)

Popular Posts