Sunday, January 08, 2012

Aye or Nye

I am always at a lost to understand how people can so steadfastly categorise view points as either fully right or fully wrong. Especially in our patti mandram culture, even though they themselves realise the futility of their own arguments, the speakers bull headedly approach the topic as if winning their point is the sole aim of the discussion. There is a thin line of difference between discussing and arguing. The moment people want to win their point it no longer remains a discussion and in arguments you hardly have a healthy meaningful debate. Words get sharpened and pointed towards hurting others into submission rather than gaining consensus. Is there anything in this whole wide world that can ever be categorised as either wholly good or bad at all points of time? Even the most purest of emotions, mothers love, becomes hindrance for some, post the arrival of wife. And one persons nectar almost always is poison for some.

I had an interesting discussion few backs. Don't get mislead by the word 'interesting' :) Though i went grilling on with a fervor, matched only by shark after blood, the person at the other end of that conversation answered my queries patiently. There were some criticism, or should i say constructive feedback to sound politically correct, that i am bit too honest in showing my emotions for my own good. Romba over scenelaam ila. When i am angry or happy or sad or confused it just shows on my face. How much ever i try, when i am in a foul mood, i can never quite manage to hide that feeling. Ulla kovamo kaduppo vachikitu mugathula siripa vachitu pesarathu romba romba kushtam. I was suggested to do exactly the same, that you can never survive if you dont don a mask over your real self. Oru sila situationsku i can understand that. But to be honest, being truthful is a lot more easier on your memory than the fake stuff, for you dont have to remember what you spoke every single day for the rest of your life. Theva illatha prachanai. To prove my point right, my adviser got into a tangle with his wife over a chillarai matter. Like any normal hubby, he had lied to her to enjoy some guys time out with friends and when she found it out we all saw Shakespeare's quote in live action - hell hath no fury like a wife lied to. Their fight has got subsided now, but the trust foundation has taken a nice beating. There is no moral at the end of this story. It neither justifies that truth be told at all times nor against the so called fake mask. Again, it only proves that nothing can be always right or always wrong.

Even after all these years, i still cant be sure about anything. May be it was the way i was brought up. For my dad was the ultimate authority to me always. If he says anything on any topic, that was always the final word for me on it. Growing up on an environment of belief and acceptance and when i got thrown into the real world for the first time, i was confused whom to depend on. I couldnt trust anyone to create a copy of my dad's role in my life as my mentor cum trainer. Nor was i fully confident of understanding things on my own. Like every single one of you out there, my experiences shaped my beliefs. The one thing that i understood about the 'Yes' or 'No' queries that life throws at you is that, though the questions might repeat multiple times the answer is never always the same.


Asha said...

your post mirrors the innermost turmoil most of us go through.

For me too, difficult to put on a mask leave alone emotions, even when i hate somebody,my face becomes transparent and shows off. I wish i could avoid this now that i am getting older.

A nice post, Gils

RamMmm said...

Maybe! (yes/no vai uttaa maybennu oru ambiguity irukku,

Romba 'Neeya Naana' paakareengalo. :-) I am yet to see any patti
mandram (from whatever I have seen) that there is an acceptance of the
other side's points. Well we can argue, the intent there is to get
points for your side no matter how silly the argument could be.

unga kitta secret ellaam vechchukka solla maattaanga pola. :-D

Trust comes over a long period; till then the suspicions have a ball.

gils said...


i guess the more u understand the people around you the answer becomes easier


lol :d elarukum solra secrets en kita solamataanga.

Ramesh said...

Much philosophical a post.

Of course there is no black and white - only shades of gray. But it takes years of experience to start to understand this. In teens and twenties, life looks (and should look) colourful, clear and very Yes or No. Enjoy it while it lasts. For that is the joy of youth.

gils said...

Thalaiye solitaprum appeeleethu :)