Whenever i encounter near miss situations, i often think of the timelines where that miss might've actually happened and how that stream would've progressed. A weirdly wicked thought of a wandering mind, but still considering all those multiverse, alternate realities, parallel world concepts abound, an alternate timeline triggering from a road not taken or an incident that happened or otherwise is something that i often think. What if is my favorite dream scenario where in i keep wondering what would've happened, had i stayed in the same school beyond my 5th standard. That school had sections only till primary and eventually i would've had to move out is a different story. What would've happened if i had not moved to CBSE but continued in state board? what if we had moved to a different house instead of the one where i spent most of my childhood till the time i went to college? what if i was not the elder sibling and had someone to look upto? would i've actually been such a person again begs a question? All these what if's have hounded my mind at several points of time in my life and off late the thought that keeps buzzing in mind is, how long? how much more time i've to continue doing what i am doing? how much time i've to actually do things that i'ven't even started or even thought about but are essential and have been on backburner for so long that i might've actually forgotten about them? Every time i slip, i feel so embarrassed that i vow never to fall down again and go absolutely rigid that i forget, not moving is not an answer to not fall!!! I get into a shell and take way too much time to get away from the wallows of the procrastinating pit that i could actually see instances of happiness pass away like petals of dandelions on a breezy day. There is way too many constricting thoughts that are bouncing all around the mind that how to take a pause or when to pause, waiting for things to tide away is the big question. What my mind set was exactly 2 years to this date, to what it was an year back to where i am now, it feels like three different time zones, three different lives of three different person!!! One thing that is common is i've never felt more unsettled ever in life!! I am not able to figure out what am i missing or what am i overlooking. Hope to crack it some day or sooner!!
Andru: "avvvvvvvvvvvvv.....enaku antha bommai venum..." "chellam...adam pudikathada..saapdu" "saapda maaten po..enaku antha bomma vaangithanthaa thaan sapduven" "chamthula..saapduma...amma paavamla.." "avvvvvvvvvvvvv.....maaaten maaten" "ipo sapdla..udha vizhum" "maaten...maaten..maaten" The kid ultimately prevails and the doll is bought. Indru: "Fast unto death"..."wont even drink a drop of water...till telengaana is achieved"..."blood will flow.." blah blah blah... And this time the government yields to the demand. Thottil pazhakkam sudukaadu mattumnu summava solranga. Ithuku thaan chinna vayasulaye nalla naalu kaatu kaati iruntha intha mathiri caselaam adangirukum.
Comments
As for thoughts about the future, doing things which you have wanted to do, but not started, effect of stumbles, trendency to procrastinate, not sure what you are missing, etc etc, welcome to humanity. Every one of us goes through all of this, and no wise philosopher has yet found the answers. Just chill, Gilsu and all will be well.
In one matter at least, the future is very clear. Keep this blog exactly as it is ; nothing needs to change !