Ada Pongayya!!!
"You are usually the top rank student in your class right? Always getting first mark?”
Typically this query would’ve raised more reactions on me than Jothika. I was never posed this query during my school days and definitely didn’t expect this from my manager in present day situation!! As the tortoise coil swirls back, the flashback of the query, was from the possible set of events that lead to it.
One thing that always accompanies me, wherever I go is, the “angry” tag. Be it a company that I’ve worked for several years or few months, somehow they always tag me at the least as a “strict” person and in other case scenario an angry person. In fact, within span of 6 months, I got a comment from some guy with whom I had rarely interacted and who had in fact joined couple of months after me!! One point could be that, say in my 4 interactions with him, had I sounded angry or irritated, even in 2 of them, that is 50% of the conversation with him which ended in that way. So I can neither give credit nor ignore his point. But those who have been interacting with me for major period, even they seem to agree that, I looked angrier in my display pic as well !!! Coming back to the query posed by manager, it was her decent way of saying that, I get angry when others screw up big time and regularly. Probably her opinion of me was I am one goody two shoes who is always “perrrfeekt” and that is the reason why I get angry when people mess up.
In a nutshell, it is not as if I never make mistakes and one saint. I realize the mistake, get super scared about it, take full ownership of it, loose sleep over it and fret about it and finally get them closed by bugging anyone who can help. When people simply refuse to acknowledge their screw up, care no damn about the consequences, proudly use their ignorance as a shield and bask in the assumed power of their bosses glory, I get into the same league of Vesuvius, Pompei and Krakatoa. And for what its worth, the kind of folks I work with have their own priorities and IT is the least of their worry. It is a whole new situation for me in my career and at times I really do like what I do. But the comment and the query was surprising for me, for what I was thinking was, if at all there was an opinion, it would be that, this guy hardly talks and keeps quiet always. The probability might have worked against my favor, where in the number of interactions in total as against those that might have resulted in me pointing them out to what is going wrong, might have net resulted in this feedback. Also, what I felt was, even if you give bad words with a smiley face people say good about you and vice versa. One another comment that I have always received is my voice is flat and my jokes are dead panned at best, with people finding difficult to understand them. Probably it requires some course correction on my verbal skills as well. But it really puts me off when people go to the extent that they come to my defence and say to others that I am actually a fun guy once they get to know me better!!! Well, corona will soon have that tag, where in someone who spends more time with family might credit corona for the same. But that is hardly a compliment. The struggle is, to be oneself and not give a damn or to please everyone and wear a mask. Vachukitta vanjana panren. Moonjila theliva theriayarapo ennatha panrathu!!
When trying to own up to ones mistakes and expecting others to do the same invites these kind of reactions and comments.. Ennatha solla. Ada pongayya...
Typically this query would’ve raised more reactions on me than Jothika. I was never posed this query during my school days and definitely didn’t expect this from my manager in present day situation!! As the tortoise coil swirls back, the flashback of the query, was from the possible set of events that lead to it.
One thing that always accompanies me, wherever I go is, the “angry” tag. Be it a company that I’ve worked for several years or few months, somehow they always tag me at the least as a “strict” person and in other case scenario an angry person. In fact, within span of 6 months, I got a comment from some guy with whom I had rarely interacted and who had in fact joined couple of months after me!! One point could be that, say in my 4 interactions with him, had I sounded angry or irritated, even in 2 of them, that is 50% of the conversation with him which ended in that way. So I can neither give credit nor ignore his point. But those who have been interacting with me for major period, even they seem to agree that, I looked angrier in my display pic as well !!! Coming back to the query posed by manager, it was her decent way of saying that, I get angry when others screw up big time and regularly. Probably her opinion of me was I am one goody two shoes who is always “perrrfeekt” and that is the reason why I get angry when people mess up.
In a nutshell, it is not as if I never make mistakes and one saint. I realize the mistake, get super scared about it, take full ownership of it, loose sleep over it and fret about it and finally get them closed by bugging anyone who can help. When people simply refuse to acknowledge their screw up, care no damn about the consequences, proudly use their ignorance as a shield and bask in the assumed power of their bosses glory, I get into the same league of Vesuvius, Pompei and Krakatoa. And for what its worth, the kind of folks I work with have their own priorities and IT is the least of their worry. It is a whole new situation for me in my career and at times I really do like what I do. But the comment and the query was surprising for me, for what I was thinking was, if at all there was an opinion, it would be that, this guy hardly talks and keeps quiet always. The probability might have worked against my favor, where in the number of interactions in total as against those that might have resulted in me pointing them out to what is going wrong, might have net resulted in this feedback. Also, what I felt was, even if you give bad words with a smiley face people say good about you and vice versa. One another comment that I have always received is my voice is flat and my jokes are dead panned at best, with people finding difficult to understand them. Probably it requires some course correction on my verbal skills as well. But it really puts me off when people go to the extent that they come to my defence and say to others that I am actually a fun guy once they get to know me better!!! Well, corona will soon have that tag, where in someone who spends more time with family might credit corona for the same. But that is hardly a compliment. The struggle is, to be oneself and not give a damn or to please everyone and wear a mask. Vachukitta vanjana panren. Moonjila theliva theriayarapo ennatha panrathu!!
When trying to own up to ones mistakes and expecting others to do the same invites these kind of reactions and comments.. Ennatha solla. Ada pongayya...
Comments
Being angry at screw ups is OK. As you grow older, you'll get to tolerate a bit of "less than ideal", but even then a major screw up and somebody evading that should get your goat.
I will heartily disagree with the phrase - you should be yourself and not wear a mask. Try 10 mts of absolute honest truth with anybody close to you, even your kiddo. You'll cause civil war. Try telling the good lady what you really think about that sari !! We do have to moderate and modulate our emotions even with the closest of family or friends. So its absolutely OK to be called a fun guy - which you actually are except when the mokkais go too far !
Prescription - a good long movie on Sunday followed by an acidic movie review here to get rid of the kadupps :)