Random ramblings

Whenever i encounter near miss situations, i often think of the timelines where that miss might've actually happened and how that stream would've progressed. A weirdly wicked thought of a wandering mind, but still considering all those multiverse, alternate realities, parallel world concepts abound, an alternate timeline triggering from a road not taken or an incident that happened or otherwise is something that i often think. What if is my favorite dream scenario where in i keep wondering what would've happened, had i stayed in the same school beyond my 5th standard. That school had sections only till primary and eventually i would've had to move out is a different story. What would've happened if i had not moved to CBSE but continued in state board? what if we had moved to a different house instead of the one where i spent most of my childhood till the time i went to college? what if i was not the elder sibling and had someone to look upto? would i've actually been such a person again begs a question? All these what if's have hounded my mind at several points of time in my life and off late the thought that keeps buzzing in mind is, how long? how much more time i've to continue doing what i am doing? how much time i've to actually do things that i'ven't even started or even thought about but are essential and have been on backburner for so long that i might've actually forgotten about them? Every time i slip, i feel so embarrassed that i vow never to fall down again and go absolutely rigid that i forget, not moving is not an answer to not fall!!! I get into a shell and take way too much time to get away from the wallows of the procrastinating pit that i could actually see instances of happiness pass away like petals of dandelions on a breezy day. There is way too many constricting thoughts that are bouncing all around the mind that how to take a pause or when to pause, waiting for things to tide away is the big question. What my mind set was exactly 2 years to this date, to what it was an year back to where i am now, it feels like three different time zones, three different lives of three different person!!! One thing that is common is i've never felt more unsettled ever in life!! I am not able to figure out what am i missing or what am i overlooking. Hope to crack it some day or sooner!!