For someone who has always seen himself as a traveler on a path set by his parents, being one and having to set the route for my own kid has been a terrifying experience. The biggest curse and also the best motivating factor for parents is comparison. Even though one might’ve suffered under the same lens as a child, when they become parent, this tool helps in course correction many a times. Like any item if handled in correct proportion may help and hinder if improperly used, comparison is like a guide for parents who are as clueless as me in how to bring up your child or probably get him/give him resources that may eventually help him in his life down the line. By looking at neighbours or fellow parents who send their kids to different classes, we get an idea if not motivation that our kid is also of same age and that is something we can try to explore If he has the interest. When we look at other kids of same age or below exhibiting certain traits, we realize either our own kid being on the same league or needing improvement in those aspects. More than the kids, who get “assembly lined” to face the society in factories called “schools”, it is the parents who are in the continuous learning program till the time their kids decide to take things on their own hands. For some kids, the realization happens around tenth or post completing the 12th standard. For some it may delay a further and extend into under graduation. While there could be many who will remain satisfied with dumping the responsibility of deciding their future with their parents.
Every one of us would’ve been on all these phases at some or other point in our lives. In some cases, the responsibility of making our own decisions is thrust on the individual by chance or by design. But the parent in an individual, never ever wants to let loose of the reins and are always under the impression that as much as the shadow, their presence is unavoidable for their kids. If this thought is missing, there could be doubts raised about the intention of the parents by the general society who may see them as risk takers or simply lazy for not taking active interest in their own children. Sometimes, such actions result in independent self-motivated kids, who does emerge successful by picking their own path that they are comfortable with and understand better. There are cases which caution against such approaches being taken by parents, where the clueless kids end up in a downward spiral blaming the whole world for their situation.
Where do you draw the line? How much parenting is too much parenting? Which are those areas where we need to put our feet down and ensure the kid gets to follow and where does one let the rein loose for them to explore on their own? Is there a set age or a set process? How does one prepare themselves to be a better parent? The way our parents brought us up hardly gives any clue for we have always been critical of how they treated us as a kid. In the garb of being more liberal and friendly, if we give too much space to the kids, we end up in a situation where one can’t distinguish between a tantrum and a rebel attitude. We as a kid would’ve never faced or created such a scenario for our parents and hence, we wouldn’t have any reference for such scenarios. Our own parents, if available, would have admonished us all the way for not following their guidelines and such situations would be equally if not more, baffling for them as well. When we see kids of similar age as our own, exhibit levels of maturity and skills much more than our own, the level of guilt that hurts are very difficult to express. It doesn’t compare when the situation is the other way round for it is not a competition to bring up the best kid. But it does give a sense of fulfillment.
Personally, junior is in very good hands when it comes to these things, for he is fully handled by his mom. Having seen how lazy or clueless I can be, she puts in tremendous efforts in ensuring junior gets exposed to a wide variety of options and opportunities by enrolling him in extra curricular activities. To be honest, I have never ever thought of any such avenue being available or applicable despite being a place that is well known for providing such opportunities for children where people from far off places visit to avail the same. Despite having been born and brought up in such neighborhood such thoughts never strike my mind like how it does for wifey. It may be easy to say, women have a gene or something that makes them think like this or motherhood is an inborn nature for all women which makes them better. But all those “Hallmark” “Archies” quotes cannot hide the fact that true and sincere effort trumps over any mindset or inexperience.
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