Of relationships and other things

Certain things, how much ever logical, they may sound to be, are quite difficult to follow in real time. Networking, is one such thing. Of all the skills one needs to inculcate, the art of keeping touch is becoming the most essential life skill, across all spheres of life and business. Those who excel in not just making relationships but maintaining them, come up trumps more easily than others. For those who claim to be introverts/timid or shy, the world is fast spinning away from them. Not that it is a catastrophe or end of world scenario for that group, because, end of the day, this is the group who comprises of the “Do-ers”, if at all the other group can be called as “getting it done-ers”. While those with good networking skills often are on the super highway, the “other” category often lag behind. Stretching beyond professional domain, even in personal sphere, the art of networking plays an immensely important role. I vaguely remember a quote that after certain age it is very difficult to make new friends. It may not be a set in stone kind of a statement, but not very far from truth. I’ve personally seen many of the friendships losing into oblivion with passage of time. Not just there were enmity or fight. But it was a good reminder of the fact that, relations, if left untended, goes the same way as your garden. Beyond a point, it becomes incomprehensible. I often used to wonder why those folks, with whom I used to interact frequently have totally gone away from the radar. Why we no longer speak or even remember each other. The answer possibly remains in myself. I am more of an example for newton’s first law, remaining in a state of rest unless acted upon by external force, while my relationships suffer the more famous third law. If you add a teaspoon of ego to this mix, chances are quite bright that you will remain a loner for your life. 

I’ve been wanting to write on this topic for a while now and few incidents triggered this post eventually to move from mind draft to submit stage. A close friend of mine had an important celebration and I didn’t got the invite. Sad part being, those who got invited, were checking with me on timings and venue details, for they thought I would’ve been looped in by default. It became an awkward situation that quickly got crossed over. I felt very bad, obviously, at the thought of being ignored. Later, after having overcome all those cribbing, I tried to remember how we left our last conversation. Fun fact being, we never spoke to each other in last several years!! It was not just those people who were asking me for details, but including me, everyone were stuck in a time loop where we didn’t realize how far we had drifted apart. There was nothing to blame to start with and it became even more clearer that if at all there was an accountability question, I was as much responsible for the situation. Same happened with another friend, whom I considered as a brother. I assumed his selfless nature taken for granted and when during covid, he posted a screen grab of a video chat with other people known to both of us, I was left wondering why I wasn’t there in the picture. It took an even longer while to digest the fact that, in both the situations mentioned above, my biggest remorse was me slipping away from their memory. It has  always been very difficult for me to form relationships and make new friends  for I go in with lot of expectations. It could be as simple as going for lunch break in office and I would take offence if people leave me and go. It is not that I’ve to be omnipresent in their minds, but as a creature of routine, if I am set on something I follow it regularly to the extent possible. When they care enough to call others in the group to break for lunch leaving alone me, I used to feel very bad, especially at the beginning stages of my career. Later I started using those breaks as MY time where I would either read something on the net or casually browse through random topics which eventually landed here as posts :) 

At the other spectrum is another person that I know from my college days, who has been extremely successful in forming his network, expanding it on a daily basis. His circle now covers the who-is-who of the creamy layer of the society, cutting across political parties, movie industry and literary circles as well. As someone who has seen his original side, I often amaze at the ease with which he wears the smiley mask and carry himself, all the while bickering about the very same people behind their back. With his growing clout, people love to get themselves associated with him, thinking about long term benefits of having his acquaintance. I am actually jealous of his skill and the results, while I also know the effort he put behind in cultivating those circles. He is a shrewd investor and never spends a penny unless the return is in pound, a thought process he applies to all his relationships as well. If you’ve to pick the brains of anyone about the success they enjoy, their lesson to share would more often be on the failures they encountered and how they overcame it. Likewise, I am in no hurry to adopt his ways to grow my network or become the darling of everyone I meet, even though it wouldn’t harm to be one like that :) At some point in life, I want to look behind at this post and see how far or how much I’ve moved away from these situations or people. And unless something different happens, it may possibly be from a cabin at the top of a mountain with the only network being a good wi-fi : )