Esse quam Videri

Velayaattu pola 11 months have passed since i came here. And now the time has come for me to return back to Chennai. The gravitational pull and push of chennai on me is such that, it takes me in after an year away only to push me out within the next year. Every time when i come back, i always promise myself to have a different lifestyle, more outgoing and spending time at new places with new friends, only to confine myself to my room and computer on weekends never to even come out for sunshine :) Hope this time it changes.

When i came in here i had lot of complaints. I was so much in denial that, i forgot to look at the other side, the real side, the positive brighter one. I squinted my eyes to make the picture distorted and it took a while for things to sink in. As i pack my bags i realise the past 11 months would've been anyone's dream. I could've been like Charlie Harper from Two and Half men minus the booze and ladies, with hardly a care in the world. I forced my managers to give me more work and constantly complained about the casual life style here. Over a period of time, i even grew accustomed to it. It always felt like a dream and never for one i could believe the things happening here and i always was bracing myself to wake up from this unbelievable dream.

I had my longest vacation ever and visited places which were not even on my list of places to see, for the simple fact that i had not even considered the possibility even on a wish list. I pushed myself to enjoy things that i was too lazy or too scared to even give it a try. I got a large pizza free from Papa John's last week for being one of the most prolific online customer and then only realised the number of pizzas that we had ordered in past several months. I began to understand the way people operate here and their thought processes and almost got a hang of it. But I still dont understand why they so crave for staying here. Apart from financial benefit, there is hardly anything to aspire.

Every city where i've stayed, away from home, have taught me new things. This time, it was cooking. I can now cook to feed my ten foot tongue. Though just a couple of dishes, i guess i will survive on it. All throughout i've been blessed with amazing roomies. Every single one of them have something valuable to teach me and almost all of them are friends for life. This time no exception. Somehow all of them have been very caring and considerate to me and i am really grateful for all their support. All throughout my life, i've been surrounded by all good people, be in real or in my virtual world. They are simply great and kind hearted and helpful and understanding and with all these qualities they are obviously successful and happy too. Its one of the innumerable things that i thank god for introducing me to all these kind folks. My friends are my rainbow drawn with a permanent marker on my cloudy mind. It lulls me into a comfortable thought that everything is good with the world when they are around. It gives me a sense of confidence and hope that i can strive hard and someday might even be like them.

Like every trip of mine, I had some more important learning's from this trip too. To wait. To be patient. To give time. To think from other side of my perspective. To be grateful. To keep calm. And its not just bad things that happen unaware but even good things too. I may not have learnt what i want, but it clearly made me realise what i dont want.

Every time, my return back to Chennai, has always been a case of confusion and chaos and this time is no exception as well. And the moment i relax, the city pushes me out again to some place far off. This has been the story of my life so far and let me see how long it keeps me in this time. Hope to catch you from the other end of the planet soon. Till then take care and good luck :)